[Episode 5] Call Me by No Name | From Page to Screen | Jealousy, Confessions and Risks...

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Ready for Part 5, CallMeNo aficionados? I hope you are! We're gonna go reeeeally into Megumi and Murata's confrontation, the confession scene at the end of EP4, and the initial part of the hotel scene...There are more than a few differences with the drama, waiting for you. So come with me and let's find everything out!

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So, after separating from Kotoha on campus, Megumi was walking while overthinking, as she does so well. While doing this, she suddenly sees a guy that appeared familiar. What a timing, she thinks. And she actively calls out to him. "Murata, right? Do you have a moment?", to which he's like "what the hell" (understandably so, I would dare to say).

Megumi says it's about Kotoha, Murata complains about her getting between them the other time, saying all that nonsense about nipples. Megumi even apologizes for all that, before getting to the point.

Megumi: Did you date Kotoha?
Murata: What? Don't you know anything about Kotoha? We just did what was there to do...
Megumi: You did!?

Our cute law student, that obviously shouldn't have been surprised at all by that, feels like throwing a punch at him, but she calms down, takes a breath and asks him to continue (Murata is quite taken aback by our Megumi; again, I would say, understandably so ahah). Megumi knew it was weird for her to get angry at that point. She was already aware of what Kotoha had been doing, after all!

Murata: I mean, I'm not to blame. It was her who approached me. My turn hadn't come yet, and she told me she'd repay me if I'd let her stay the night (see? this - the fact that she would actively go around approaching people - was never made clear in the drama. We never knew specifically how it would happen that she'd go stay at people's places. In this regard, I immediately thougth about how everything with Megumi went differently even right from the start, if we consider this).
Megumi: What do you mean "my turn"?
Murata: Basically, Kotoha doesn't keep sleeping with the same partner. But I guess you know that already.
Megumi: I've heard about her going from one to another, yes.
Murata: And she's super strict about it, too! She keeps trying to sleep with someone else every time, almost as if she has a quota to fulfill or something like that. And...since I hadn't done it with her yet, when she finally approached me, I let her stay (you might have noticed that this is part of the information we actually got in Episode 7, rather than during the Episode 4 confrontation. Have you noticed? Have you?).

It's like everyone is waiting for Kotoha to whimsically choose her next partner, wondering if it'll be their turn. It's compared to something like an aristocratic social gathering, in the novel. Quite the sad set of circumstances, to me. Murata continues.

Murata: But I just couldn't stand that. I really liked Kotoha. So, on the way back from drinking, before going home, I confessed to her. She rejected me, saying "I'm not looking for that". And yet, I treated her so nicely, and I've told her so many times that I was serious! (Murata the nice guy!! Anyway, this also adds something that was not in the drama, since it's implied that they had been spending time together as well)

Once again - the third time, isn't it? - Megumi compares her situation to that of Murata, thinking that him, just like her, was hoping for a happy ending with Kotoha...A happy ending that was brutally refused. His anger was somewhat understandable, she thinks.

Megumi: So you got angry and you left her at the garbage dump...?
Murata: No, that's not it! I pushed her, and she fell there. Then I tried to help her, but she brushed me away. I was quite pissed, so I left her there and went home! (so it is exactly what Megumi said, Murataaaa!!).
Megumi: Anyway, you confessed her feelings to her.
Murata: Yes. I mean, I wanted to become her boyfriend. I thought she was sleeping with multiple guys because she was feeling alone, but... (there's a pause here, then he starts again). At this point I don't think that's the issue. How to put it...? It's almost like a duty for her. She was doing it in a completely detached way...And that felt a bit scary, somehow (see? Still Episode 7's dialogue).
Megumi: Was she like that with others too?
Murata: How would I know!? It's not like I talk with the others she's slept with! (and here we differ since, by Episode 7, drama Murata indeed went to speak with others to try and understand Kotoha better).

Megumi thinks it's likely that Kotoha treated everyone the same way. She felt sure of it for some reason. The reason why Murata was quickly cut off is because he went against her rules (confessing his feelings and trying to become her boyfriend...what Megumi wanted to do as well). She remembers Kotoha saying that this lifestyle of hers was, at first, a matter of proof, but that now it had turned into her destiny. But proof of what, anyway? We will find out later. More:

Murata: I heard some speculate that maybe she was part of a religion or something like that. At first I thought it couldn't be, but now it doesn't feel like such a reach that she could be in a cult that forces her to sleep with a huge amount of different men, and it's quite scary.
Megumi: I don't think that's it... (and she continues) Anyway, you were approached by her and then you were just normally dumped. So, nothing out of the ordinary about it... (this is the equivalent of drama Megumi trying to belittle him by saying "So it just happened that it was your turn...")

And Murata gets pissed about Megumi talking like this to him. And him getting pissed, starts to make Megumi feel angry. She couldn't stomach him. Or more...she was jealous of him! And realizing this was pretty shocking for her. The taste of jealousy was strong and bitter.

Murata: So what about it? What do you plan on doing now that you now that I was dumped just like all those others?
Megumi: I just wanted to know what she had been up to until now...

And we're made aware that she's lying, as she says this! She wanted to try and rattle him a bit. I would add that I bet she also sort of wanted to reassure herself...to try and think she was not just like Murata...At least that's how it felt to me, since it must've been scary for Megumi to think she was just "another Murata".

Murata: But why, all of a sudden?
Megumi: ...Why, you say?

She says hesitantly, and a smile of ridicule appears on Murata's face...

Murata: Wait, you too!?
Megumi: What?
Murata: Do you also like Kotoha? (and we finally reached Episode 4's dialogue!).

Megumi is unable to answer. The words just don't come out. Now, beware, because it continues in a harsher way compared to the drama version, so just get ready. Done? Ok. Murata continues.

Murata: I mean, I don't know much about it but I wouldn't be surprised if there were women like that around, too. There are even girls looking up to her. Are you one of those, and you think you're her friend or something? I'm telling you, she's not that type of woman... (his tone seems to shout "here's the payback for how you treated me earlier").
Megumi still stays silent, and Murata keeps going.
Murata: Wait...could it be that you're a lesbian? Because there's no way Kotoha of all people is one.
Megumi breaks her silence to say:
Megumi: ...I'm not a lesbian.
We're made aware that she knew she shouldn't have said that. However, her insides were burning with this realization that had basically just hit her. In other words, she denied impulsively, defensively...I definitely appreciate that they avoided including this in the show, because it would've been impossible to convey the reason behind it without narration, and it would've been those plain cold words, just like that. Very different impact for sure).
Murata: Well, jokes about being a lesbian aside...
Megumi: I'm dating Kotoha, though.
Murata: What!?
Megumi: Have you heard about Kotoha sleeping around, lately? She hasn't stayed at anyone's places, has she? That's because she's started dating me. That's why I wanted to know more about her past and present. Sorry if I came off too aggressive.

Murata looks at her as if he's just heard a bad joke, but he couldn't just laugh it off, because it was indeed true that Kotoha had stopped with her usual "routine"...

Murata: What the hell are you saying?
Megumi: You can always ask her, if you don't believe me.
Murata: Are you really dating? Seriously? Does this mean Kotoha is a lesbian!?
Megumi: Probably not. Still, we're properly dating.
Murata: So, have you had sex?
Megumi: Well, that's...
Murata: Is that why you were going on about licking nipples that one time? Damn, so Kotoha makes moves on women too...That's why she has stopped sleeping with men lately... (he misinterpreted Megumi's hesitation, clearly).
Megumi: No, we haven't. We haven't had sex!
This makes Murata perplexed...
Murata: Eh? So why are you saying you two are dating? You must have gotten the wrong idea...You know,  kind of like those weird vibes in all girls school, right?
Megumi: No, that's not it...
Murata: So, how is it that you started dating? Who confessed to the other? (damn, Murata is really twisting the knife in the wound, for Megumi. In this way, he has a very different role in the novel than he has in the drama, don't you agree? While not knowing it, he really pushes Megumi, forces her to confront herself, her feelings, her situation). And when...
Megumi: It was Kotoha...
Murata looked super triumphant. "See?". And he continues. Brace yourselves, my fellow lesbians!

Murata: It's easy to get it, from an external point of view. I don't think you told me your name...Anyway, you'll see, even you will eventually realize that you want to be with a man (pointing at Megumi, while saying "even you").
Murata: From how I see it, you're a victim, too. When Kotoha says something to you...it just makes you lose your mind, doesn't it? I get it (the line about losing your mind; it's a one time thing in the drama, but not in the novel...).
Megumi: No, like I said. That's not it! (she tries to push back).
Murata: Maybe she told you something weird and made you feel this way, but trust me, once you two find true love, you'll both change!

True goodness and true love look very much alike. They're transparent, so it's impossible to tell them apart, we're told. I like how it's all brought back to a narrative close to Megumi. It's all really hitting her. Murata has a point, Megumi thinks. It's true that Kotoha's words are magneting. It's also true that it was Kotoha coming up with the dating thing, and Megumi merely went along with that. But Murata is going to make things worse, now...

Murata: That's why I really think Kotoha should experience real love, for once! Both the fact that she's sleeping around with multiple men, and that now she's playing lesbian, are just ways to run away from real love. I feel like I might be able to awaken her!

Finally Megumi has reached her limit. In a second she realizes it was the wrong call for her to decide to speak with Murata in the first place. She punches him right in the stomach (lol), and then says "Thanks for giving me a reason to hit you. I feel much better." Murata is left speechless. Megumi knows that nobody is ever really a winner when using violence, but this one time, she was okay with losing. As you might've noticed, this scene is much more enraging in the novel. It's good they softened Murata a bit (a lot) for the drama, otherwise there's a chance his life couldv'e been in danger!

There won't be a second confrontation with Murata later on. Novel Murata doesn't grow from this, he doesn't try to get the know the girl he said he loved, he doesn't get a better understanding of "love" itself, and he isn't told by Megumi to keep an eye on Kotoha going home when it's late, because there's some weirdo (her mom) around. Also because...her mom won't be around, in the novel. But that's for later...

So, due to her encounter with Murata, Megumi skipped her lesson. In the novel, she joins Kotoha on the way back home, so there is no Kotoha waiting for her because she saw her go to her department (no adorable puppy Kotohaaaaa). The tragedy!! Kotoha notices Megumi's tense face, but when Megumi says it's nothing she doesn't believe her and asks her if she maybe couldn't make it to the lesson. Kotoha is clever. But she definitely didn't notice what was behind all that, including the jealousy and impatience just born inside of Megumi.

Our overthinker couldn't stop considering the dialogue that had just happened. At least Murata had properly confessed to Kotoha, and he had properly been rejected by her. So in this sense, Megumi was inferior to him. She just can't avoid comparing herself to Murata (personally, I do like this additional narrative layer. It's a pity the drama is so short, because I feel like this could've enriched it even more, as it's really meaningful in the way it helps move Megumi's feelings. Let me know what you think about it)! That said, Megumi also considers the fact that Kotoha isn't looking for a confession. She's not trying to kiss her, she doesn't even try to hold her hand anymore. Maybe this is what Kotoha was looking for. Maybe she just wanted a friend. Maybe this was Kotoha's way to restrain Megumi. If so, doing what she wanted to do (confessing to her), would be a betrayal of Kotoha!!! Don't you love all this emotional complexity? I do! It's so real. So human!! And as Megumi's anxiety and impatience melts into the cloudy sky...

Kotoha: Ah, it started raining!

Megumi suggests to make a run for the station, since they don't have an umbrella, but Kotoha worries Megumi might catch a cold again. This is when she grabs Megumi's little finger with her own...Nothing compared to an actual hand hold, and yet Megumi suddenly has trouble breathing. It felt quite special, also considering Kotoha hadn't been looking for any physical contact lately...
Kotoha is surprised by Megumi not showing any resistence...

Kotoha: Oh, you don't mind?
Megumi: ...why would I? (or if you want a more literal translation: "I have no reason to").
Kotoha: Don't blame me if someone makes assumptions... (she says this in a teasing way, while Megumi is trying her best to appear composed. Precious child!!).

They decide to wait for the rain to calm down. But it keeps getting stronger. That's when Kotoha says "I don't really like rain. And thunder is just the worst!", and after Megumi points out her surprise, she adds "Yeah...It scares me even now. But I feel better when there's someone by my side, just like this". It's almost like in the drama. Just slightly different.

It's after hearing those words that Megumi musters up the courage to confess her feelings to Kotoha. With the exact same words we hear in the drama. "Kotoha, I think I'm starting to like you for real...maybe".

We're told that the "maybe" was a sort of escape. It felt so embarrassing, for Megumi, that she wanted to run away, but there was nowhere to go, not with the rain pouring down like that...The following line is a bit different from the drama. It starts the same "I know it can be troubling for you to be told this so suddenly, and...", then while drama Megumi says "there's the game to consider, too, but...", novel Megumi says "honestly, I don't even know what you were thinking when you asked me to date you, but...". Ultimately, both end with "still, I wanted to properly tell you". She doesn't know how and why the hell she ended up fake-dating this very peculiar young woman, but damn...she had fallen for her. Ahhh, Megumi.

To get even more into Megumi, consider that in these seconds she's wondering if Kotoha might be shocked, taken aback or even laugh it off like a joke. The saddest part is that she was completely unable to imagine Kotoha being happy about it. Ahhhhhh, my friends. Isn't this SO heartbreaking? It is, I'm telling you!

What really happens, is that Kotoha's face freezes into that lack of expression she sometimes shows (in the drama version, I always associate it with that moment in EP2, when she has those dead eyes as she talks about the curse). We're told it felt like she was on guard. We're even told it almost looked like the face of a child right before being beaten (this hit quite a bit, no pun intended!!!). Now, here's an interesting - for me, at least. It better be interesting for you as well, or I'll be sad. Don't make me sad - difference in phrasing.

Remember? Drama Kotoha first asks Megumi if she would sleep with her, then adds if she feels like making love to her, or being made love by her. Remember? Okay. Novel Kotoha just straight up says:
"If so..." (as in "If you like me...") "Would you make love to me?". What follows is also a bit different.

Kotoha: It's easy to say you like me, isn't it? It's just words. You've got to take some risks, Meguchi (you might remember she used the narrative of taking risks when she asked Megumi to kiss her, as well).
But Kotoha continues, in a way that's harsher than the drama version.
Kotoha: It grosses you out, doesn't it? It's on a whole different level, compared to a kiss, after all.

Now, novel Kotoha's laugh after that is described as "servile", "abject", which feels a bit (a lot?) different from the contemptuous-looking smirk in the drama. I would say maybe the novel version conveys more of a nuance of Kotoha hoping Meguchi would immediately deny what she was saying (that it grossed her out, etc), and say she'd sleep with her. Anyway, Kotoha continues...

Kotoha: I get it. Maybe the warm shallows of pretending to be lovers felt good to you, but there's nothing to look for beyond this point. (and this immediately reminds Megumi of what Murata said! Pretend lovers, real love...And the fact that Kotoha "wasn't looking for that" - when he confessed to her).
Megumi tries to interject...
Megumi: No, that's not i-
But Kotoha isn't having it.
Kotoha: Better avoid saying anything too stupid. Ot it's gonna hurt, one day, when you'll find yourself list this moment among your mistakes.

Megumi wonders if she'll end up counting even the almost violent emotions she's feeling right now, among her mistakes..."Kotoha..." she says, and that's when Kotoha pushes her lips against Megumi's neck. "Hurry up and guess my name, or you're going to lose your mind", and she's off, walking, almost as if it weren't raining at all. Just like in the drama (and the drama does in my opinion a great job in stretching the emotions in this scene. Like it also did in the sofa scene at the end of Episode 2. Ultimately, some of the best moments in the series are born from delving deeper, with visuals and sound, into the feelings of the scenes, at least in my very correct opinion!). Megumi just watches, as Kotoha's clothes gets wet in the rain, sticking to her skin. She couldn't move. She didn't have an umbrella, after all.
In the midst of that rain, Megumi didn't have an umbrella to chase after Kotoha...
This is what's written on the page, and I'm fairly sure the umbrella here is not actually an umbrella, but rather stands for the courage and resolve Megumi was still lacking. After all, drama Megumi does have an umbrella.

The next day comes, and Megumi and Kotoha are attending the same International Relations Theory lecture. Megumi knew it was unavoidable to have to face her, and she could barely sleep the night before. On the other hand, Kotoha looked...like the usual Kotoha. It's not like Megumi wanted her to suffer, but she definitely hoped she would at least, you know...not look as if nothing had happened. They had just gotten closer and now, suddenly...far away, again.

Our overthinker looks back on the conversation from the day before.
She knows, she's sure, there's no lie in her love for Kotoha. So, based on that, maybe she should've just answered "Yes", that she could make love to her. Maybe that's the proof Kotoha was looking for. The proof that the love Megumi was feeling was genuine. As she keeps thinking and thinking, realizing she should stop trying to force logic on feelings, the bell rang. The lesson was over.

Sanae notices something's wrong and asks Megumi if she's ok. They had made plans to go do rock climbing together! Megumi had been looking forward to it. But now, her eyes were glued on Kotoha, who was blending in with the other students. Sanae even points to the hickey on Megumi's neck (not realizing what it is, though). Kotoha was about to leave...Megumi knew the right thing to do was to go, as planned, with Sanae and the others, but she couldn't help herself. Almost without even noticing it, she says "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry for canceling last minute, but I have to go". When they ask her "where?", she just says "To Kotoha!". Sanae is confused. "Kotoha? You mean Kotoha Furuhashi? Why are you still engaging with her!?" and that's when Megumi says "I'm sorry. I lied to you when I told you she was a friend".

She knew she shouldn't be saying any of this, and she also knew she was gradually losing her mind (just like Kotoha told her...), but the words wouldn't stop coming out of her mouth: "I'm dating Kotoha Furuhashi. So, I'm sorry about today. I promise it won't happen again. Just this one time!", and she makes her way to the exit. "Wait, Megumi!"...
Amidst the storm, only Tabane was waving her hand (angel!).

This marks another big difference between novel and drama. Not referring to the fact that Megumi didn't bring Kotoha to the love hotel first thing in the morning (that too, though, ahah), but to the way and the timing in which she confessed to her friends that they were actually dating. Very different situation and vibe, as well. The novel also provides sort of an extra reason as to why Megumi sort of rushed it. If she allowed Kotoha to go home, just like that, she didn't know when she might've seen her again (they don't normally have the same lessons, and aren't in the same department!). 

 

Just like in the drama, Megumi shouts Kotoha's name, to which Kotoha says (again like in the drama) that there's no need to shout as if someone had just died. The "I made up my mind" is also the same. To Kotoha saying "W-what? You're scaring me", Megumi replies with an interesting "I figured out your pattern of behavior. Whenever I'm struggling, you knock me down with some confusing move. I'm here, trying my hardest to think and understand, and yet you just go and play out your combo from start to finish, all on your own!" (loved this line because of the gaming specific expressions!!). In the novel, this is when Kotoha comments about Megumi's eyes looking scary. But now Megumi is brave, so she says:

Megumi: It's not a risk. It doesn't gross me out.
And she continues.
Megumi: I mean, you did take me by surprise there, but it's not a risk. Stop using that sort of aggressive phrasing. I'm doing this with you, because I want to (you might remember a similar phrase in the drama, but when they're already in the hotel...).

Then we're told once more that Megumi had decided to take her distance from kindness and, as an extension of that, from the act of proving something. It's impossible to prove real (pure) goodness, just like it's impossible to prove real love. So no, this is not a matter of proof. It's just something happening between two lovers. And..."Come with me". Megumi likes Kotoha. That's why she leads her by the hand, to the hotel. This is merely for her own self, we're told.

We're informed that it had become easier for girls and women to go together to love hotels ever since the boom of girls-only gatherings. Drama Megumi also told us she had been there with her friends.

And, it all goes pretty much like in the drama, including the front office lady deciding without even asking to go with the girls party plan. Unlike novel Megumi, you might remember that drama Megumi is surprised. She definitely thought/wished they would be considered just like any other couple, and yet two girls = girls party plan. Not even the faintest idea of considering them as lovers. The drama version also emphasizes more Megumi's nervousness (but novel Megumi also turns Kotoha's way before deciding the menu). As for what happens as they go into the room, there is no Megumi being adorably overly excited about the room. We go straight to Kotoha asking Megumi if she had been there before. The dialogue is pretty much like that in the drama, including the joke about not thinking Megumi would be the type to do orgies.

Things change a bit after Kotoha lays down on the bed and Megumi sits beside her.

Kotoha: It's okay. You don't have to force yourself. I shouldn't have said what I said. I won't let you do something as stupid as this...
Megumi: You know what? I realized something. Love itself is stupid. I'm aware that I've already gone insane. No matter how you look at it, I have lost my mind (once again, the return of the losing mind narrative!).
Kotoha: Well, of course. I mean, something like this, between two women...
Megumi: No, that's not it. It's that I just like you so much, that... (AHHHHHHHHHHHH, Megumiiii)
She suddenly stops, and her face flushes as she realizes once again the current situation. Ever since they met, Megumi had only been swept up by Kotoha, so she thought Kotoha would make fun of her. And yet, she had a very serious expression, and was looking right back at her.
Kotoha: You're not going to push me away and start playing games again, are you? (this felt cute and sad at the same time. We all know Kotoha behaved objectively badly at the beginning of the story. I don't even think I should reiterate it, but you never know, since there's people - I hope, for their own sake, very young people - who think liking CallMeNo equals to romanticizing and condoning sexual assault... - but it does matter to try and consider how Kotoha herself felt, too. Otherwise, what are we doing, really? This is not the sort of series/book to just consume mindlessly. Again, this is merely my opinion).
Megumi: I brought you here so not to have any such escapes. Here, where I'm without the divine protection of FromSoftware (it's the developer of SEKIRO, this was so funny ahahaha).

Megumi's heart is pounding, and she has no idea what to do. That's when Kotoha pulls her hand, bringing Megumi over herself. Novel Kotoha faintly laughs here, before saying NOT "are you going to make love to me?" but "what are you going to do? (to me/for me implied in the phrasing. It would sound weird in English, but I think it's important to know the nuance in terms of meaning)". Then Kotoha wraps her arms around Megumi's neck, and Megumi is reminded of her dream. Instead of Megumi slowly getting closer to Kotoha's face, to kiss her, like it happens in the drama, novel Megumi reaches for the zipper of Kotoha's skirt (ohi!!). That's when the room's intercom rings! And this is also where I'll leave you for now!! 

So we'll start right from the honey toast scene next time, and we'll get to see if there are differences in the bed scene (spoiler: yes) and how it all plays out. Ohhh, can't believe we've already gotten this far. Or maybe that we're still here? I don't know. I weirdly feel both ways. I can't wait to walk with you until the end of the novel, but I also don't want to reach the finish line because this series of posts is part of what's keeping my CallMeNo love very much alive despite the show having ended more than a month ago...But anyway. I'm digressing. Thanks a lot for reading. Don't hesitate to leave comments. I really look forward to reading what you think of the differences! Oh, and...forgive typos and mistakes. I always try to fix them but oftentimes I then go over the text again and change things, possibly adding new typos, and I'm not a fan of relying on AI, so this is the result! I hope you don't mind too much. Until next time!